Home > Fonzie of the Week > Fonzie of the Week #14: Nick Leavens’ Mustache

Fonzie of the Week #14: Nick Leavens’ Mustache

November 19th, 2009 4 comments
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Nick Leavens' MustacheTo know Nick Leavens is to love him, but let’s put that aside for the moment. Cool as he is, he’s not Fonzie of the Week. Nick’s mustache, however, is Fonzie of the Week, because it’s too damn cool to be denied. What did you do last night? Watch a little TV? Get some housework done? Nick’s ‘stache raised money for needy kids. Yeah, that’s right: you just got served by a patch of facial hair, which shall hereafter be known as Leavenstache.

It’s like this: my good buddy Nick is participating in the noble and hilarious Mustaches for Kids, through which brave men (and I suppose women, should they have a background in the circus) shave their faces completely bald and grow mustaches for a period of one month. All the while, you and I give money to our favorite ‘stachionista (Nick), because everybody knows nothing encourages hair growth like tax-deductible charitable contributions – it’s what they use to make Rogaine. At the end of the month, our merry band of mustached heroes gathers to congratulate each other and drink beer. And the money is used to fund teacher-submitted projects that support underfunded New York City public classrooms. Everybody wins! It’s awesome, and you should give money so that Leavenstache can grow big and strong.

You might be thinking, “Why should I give my hard-earned dollars to Nick’s ‘stache? It should earn its money by fighting crime like Magnum P.I.’s mustache did!” But you need to think of the children…and get over your Tom Sellick fetishism. Furthermore, I’m confident that once you know a little more about what a kick-ass world citizen Leavenstache is, you’ll see the light and fork over the cash. To aid in that endeavor, here are some myths and facts about Nick’s ‘stache:

  • MYTH: Nick’s mustache did not kidnap the Lindbergh Baby. That was done by the facial hair of John Roberts, owner of the Bushwick Country Club and Nick’s ‘stache-growing rival.
  • FACT: Leavenstache put the “bomp” in the “bomp bah bomp bah bomp” and the “ram” in the “rama lama ding dong.”
  • FACT: Nine out of ten grandmas (maybe even yours!) think Leavenstache is “quite dapper.” And that tenth one is just a cranky old bitch.
  • MYTH: Leavenstache did not – have – sexual – relations – with that woman.
  • FACT: Just to be clear, though: Leavenstache could totally have had sexual relations with that woman, if it wanted to. It’s one sexy ‘stache.

 

But enough with the chit-chat already. Why haven’t you made a donation yet? Here’s a link to the donation page. You even get to choose which project your donation goes to – it’s like shopping for happy schoolchildren.

Go Leavenstache!

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